If you know me (either online or offline), then you know that after a lot of thinking and stressing out, I reluctantly bowed out of my friend’s wedding. I know it wasn’t the nice thing to do, but it certainly felt like the right thing to do. Well, it’s been eight months since that debacle, and I found myself reflecting on what happened.
At this point, I thought I was going to be sadder about it. I thought I was going to miss her. Something. Anything. But, I find myself indifferent. I find that not only do I not miss her, but that I haven’t really felt her missing from my life. My life is exactly the same as it was before we stopped being friends.
Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person? I still think that if she thought so highly of me—even going as far as telling me that I’m one of her closest friends—then why couldn’t she understand where I was coming from? I thought it was supposed to be a honor to become a bridesmaid? I didn’t know that meant that I would end up becoming her bank, too.
I still get angry when I think about her, what happened, and what she did to me and our “friendship.” (I’ve put it in quotes, because the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that it wasn’t much of a friendship.) On the bright side, I have noticed that I don’t think about the whole event as much as I used to. If I had to do it over again, I would’ve followed my gut feeling and declined her bridesmaid request.