Friends, Random Thoughts

Reflections of an ex-friend

If you know me (either online or offline), then you know that after a lot of thinking and stressing out, I reluctantly bowed out of my friend’s wedding. I know it wasn’t the nice thing to do, but it certainly felt like the right thing to do. Well, it’s been eight months since that debacle, and I found myself reflecting on what happened.

At this point, I thought I was going to be sadder about it. I thought I was going to miss her. Something. Anything. But, I find myself indifferent. I find that not only do I not miss her, but that I haven’t really felt her missing from my life. My life is exactly the same as it was before we stopped being friends.

Is that bad? Does that make me a bad person? I still think that if she thought so highly of me—even going as far as telling me that I’m one of her closest friends—then why couldn’t she understand where I was coming from? I thought it was supposed to be a honor to become a bridesmaid? I didn’t know that meant that I would end up becoming her bank, too.

I still get angry when I think about her, what happened, and what she did to me and our “friendship.” (I’ve put it in quotes, because the more I reflect on it, the more I realize that it wasn’t much of a friendship.) On the bright side, I have noticed that I don’t think about the whole event as much as I used to. If I had to do it over again, I would’ve followed my gut feeling and declined her bridesmaid request.


12 thoughts on “Reflections of an ex-friend

  1. it’s depressing to lose a friend.. but then if it’s becoming an unhealthy friendship already, then maybe it’s time to let go already.

  2. I had a friend ask me to be a bridesmaid and to be a Ninang for her first-born, both times I declined. She knows exactly how I felt about each situation, but we remain friends. As for what happened to you, it seems like she was just being a b*tch. Don’t get me wrong, yes, it’s her big day, but c’mon—seriously? That’s childish on her part for having been inconsiderate at the time.

    It just went to show you what kind of person she really was, deep down, I think. Real friends and people who matter most don’t care how much you spend on them or if you guys haven’t spoken/seen each other in some time, so long as y’all know that you’re still the same person they’ve known all along. I’ve had one friend whom I hadn’t spoken to in some time, and we picked up where we left off; the transition for some may be awkward, but I’ve never had a problem picking up where I leave off with people I’ve known.

    • anne says:

      You are completely correct! If she was really my friend, she wouldn’t be so insistent that I spend so much on her wedding, especially when she KNEW that I couldn’t! Also, what kind of friend would invite you to her wedding only to have you shoulder so much burden financially? If she wanted all these fancy parties, then she should pay for them herself! I didn’t know bridesmaids where there to be a bank for the bride.

      I’m glad that you and your friend still have a good relationship even though you declined to be her bridesmaid and a ninang to her kid. That’s real friendship right there! I have another friend with a wedding coming up and I’ve had to decline her invitation to join her as her bridesmaid for her destination wedding, and we’re still good friends who see each other regularly.

  3. Aw, Anne. You should not feel bad about this at all. I can’t even believe it was that long ago… but if you don’t feel like anything has changed before and after, maybe this hasn’t really affected your relationship in any way. And that said, if now you’re feeling like you haven’t lost anything, perhaps when she asked you she just needed you, and wasn’t asking out of friendship. That was probably why she didn’t care about where you were coming from when you couldn’t be a bridesmaid.

    My cousin did not ask me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding. My mum was offended by this, considering my cousin’s mum is her sister… but did it really affect their kind of rocky relationship? Not really. Perhaps it didn’t really change things at all either.

    Don’t feel bad, Anne. *hugs* A friend wouldn’t disregard everything you say like that.

    • anne says:

      Thanks, Georgina! My friends and I have thought that same thing as you: That she just needed a third bridesmaid, and couldn’t find anyone else so she settled on me. That explains why she was so upset when I bowed out. She probably couldn’t find anyone else to replace me. It’s nice to be irreplaceable, but not in that way

      Was it a big deal to you that your cousin didn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid in her wedding?

  4. It sounds to me like you’re better off without her, especially since she was causing you stress before and now without her your life is no different. So it seems to me that the only difference is one less friend equals less stress.

    I’ve lost my fair share of friends, and I don’t particularly miss any of them, except for one because we just grew apart instead of having any kind of fight or disagreement. We’re still friends, but not nearly as incredibly close as we used to be.

    • anne says:

      Hahaha, you hit it on the nose, Rachel!

      It’s sad to lose friends whether through disagreements or simply growing apart; but, I’ve noticed that the older I get, the less I hold onto the “bad” ones.

  5. so sad to know that she wouldn’t agree to the compromise…but i guess if she was your friend she’d have understood and accepted your decision.
    sigh. buhay nga naman….

    • anne says:

      Yeah, I was saddened. I was very surprised, too, because I really thought she would understand and it wouldn’t blow up to be this thing that will tear us apart. But, at least I found out before I got deeper into her wedding and spent a lot of money, right?

  6. Friendship is pretty much like other relationships, it’s sad to lose some friends but if it’s not a healthy anymore, better let it go. From the looks of it, you’re better off without that friend of yours. Good for you.

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