Friends, Random Thoughts

Reflections of an ex-friend

If you know me (either online or offline), then you know that after a lot of thinking and stressing out, I reluctantly bowed out of my friend’s wedding. I know it wasn’t the nice thing to do, but it certainly felt like the right thing to do. Well, it’s been eight months since that debacle, and I found myself reflecting on what happened.

At this point, I thought I was going to be sadder about it. I thought I was going to miss her. Something. Anything. But, I find myself indifferent. I find that not only do I not miss her, but that I haven’t really felt her missing from my life. My life is exactly the same as it was before we stopped being friends. Continue reading

Blog, Friends, Travel

mini hiatus and update

Hi guys! My mini hiatus was due to me going on vacation for a little over a week, but more on that later.

Anyhoo, I’d like to thank EVERYONE for their advice/suggestions/comments/etc. about how to deal with my bridesmaid issues from the last post.

With all your suggestions/advice/comments in mind, I talked to my close friends about it. We’ve decided to come up with a compromise for the bride. I would still attend her wedding, but would bow out of her bridal shower and her 2 bachelorette parties as these would help save me a lot of money. I would still be paying for my dress, my shoes, the gifts, and my hair & makeup, but at least I would be paying about $500-600 less. A good compromise, we thought, as she was pushing for my presence at her wedding, no matter what.

Well, she wouldn’t accept it. She said it was very important for me to be at all the events as her friend, and I didn’t need to buy her gifts to make up for it. I’m not sure how much money she thought I was gonna spend on her shower and wedding gifts, but it was not going to equal the $500-600 I would’ve saved by not going to the parties. I told her that, financially, this compromise was the best choice for me and I didn’t understand why, as my friend, she couldn’t understand. I told her that I was done talking to her as she wasn’t listening to me at all, and that I was out of her wedding.

She then told me, if I wanted, she and her mom would now cover all of my expenses. Of course, by this time, I was already seething and just didn’t want to be in her wedding anymore. But, I kept my cool. I told her that I didn’t want to owe anyone money just to be in the wedding. I said I thought it was unfair for me to ask anyone to cover for me as it was my fault I couldn’t afford it, not hers.

When she wouldn’t back down, I told her that I was finished dealing with her. I said I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t compromise with me, and why she didn’t understand that I couldn’t dip into my savings or borrow money from my parents (something she was open to me doing) just to be in her wedding.


Thanks for being understanding…

As you know, in the previous post, I’ve had some reservations about spending so much money on my friend’s wedding.

This has been an ongoing issue, especially since I’m unemployed and don’t have a regular source of income. I’ve voiced my concerns with her and have asked if I could back out because I didn’t want to burden the other 2 bridesmaids with having to pay for my end of the bridal shower, bachelorette party, and the hair & makeup. (Not to mention her shower & wedding gifts!) Also, I didn’t want to cheapen her experience by giving her non-lavish parties just because I couldn’t afford them.

I thought I was being a good friend by conceding my part in this. However, she has said that she had spent far too much money to have me at her wedding for me to back out. How is she spending a lot of money on me if I’m the one paying for my dress, my shoes, my hair & makeup, my parts of the shower & party?

In the grand scheme of things, I don’t think one person’s presence would matter that much. Also, I’ve suggested that she can just find a replacement if the number of bridesmaids really matters.

This has been weighing on me for months I don’t want to be the jerk who backs out of a wedding, but I can’t justify dipping into MY savings simply to be in her lavish wedding.


Bridesmaid shoes

My friend, the bride, decided that not only are we, the bridesmaids, wearing the same dress (see below), we’ll be wearing the same shoes as well.

She gave us the following shoes to rate. What do you guys think?:

Honestly, I’d rather pick my own shoes. Primarily because I don’t want to pay $70-100+ for shoes I’ll only be wearing once. Also, I wanted to retain some individualism, even if it was just picking my own shoes… But, unfortunately, it’s not up to me…