Hi guys! My mini hiatus was due to me going on vacation for a little over a week, but more on that later.
Anyhoo, I’d like to thank EVERYONE for their advice/suggestions/comments/etc. about how to deal with my bridesmaid issues from the last post.
With all your suggestions/advice/comments in mind, I talked to my close friends about it. We’ve decided to come up with a compromise for the bride. I would still attend her wedding, but would bow out of her bridal shower and her 2 bachelorette parties as these would help save me a lot of money. I would still be paying for my dress, my shoes, the gifts, and my hair & makeup, but at least I would be paying about $500-600 less. A good compromise, we thought, as she was pushing for my presence at her wedding, no matter what.
Well, she wouldn’t accept it. She said it was very important for me to be at all the events as her friend, and I didn’t need to buy her gifts to make up for it. I’m not sure how much money she thought I was gonna spend on her shower and wedding gifts, but it was not going to equal the $500-600 I would’ve saved by not going to the parties. I told her that, financially, this compromise was the best choice for me and I didn’t understand why, as my friend, she couldn’t understand. I told her that I was done talking to her as she wasn’t listening to me at all, and that I was out of her wedding.
She then told me, if I wanted, she and her mom would now cover all of my expenses. Of course, by this time, I was already seething and just didn’t want to be in her wedding anymore. But, I kept my cool. I told her that I didn’t want to owe anyone money just to be in the wedding. I said I thought it was unfair for me to ask anyone to cover for me as it was my fault I couldn’t afford it, not hers.
When she wouldn’t back down, I told her that I was finished dealing with her. I said I didn’t understand why she wouldn’t compromise with me, and why she didn’t understand that I couldn’t dip into my savings or borrow money from my parents (something she was open to me doing) just to be in her wedding.
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Oh no! That is not right of the Bride to do that to anyone no matter how badly she may want her friends in her wedding. She has to understand that things like this isn’t cheap for everyone who is struggling financially wise. I mean I’m sure she would be in the same situation if you were the bride and not her and not having enough money to cover the expenses and what not. She has to see that side that “Gawd, if I was in her place, I would not enforce that on any of my friends no matter how much I wanted to go too.” You get what I’m saying?
It just sounds to me and I don’t know this woman so I can’t really pass any judgement on her, or anything but she seems a rather selfish right now. I know she’s getting married and everything and it is a big day for her, but if you simply can’t afford it, you simply can’t afford it. There are numerous amounts of reasons why you can’t afford those expenses and she just has to realize that not everyone can afford these extravagant things in life. Yes it was nice of her to offer to pay for you to be in her wedding, but you don’t want to be burden like you’ve stated in your post how you don’t want to be the one to repay them back etc.etc.
I was in the same situation when my not any more older sister Melissa (why she isn’t my sister, she’s Lisa Mitchell’s (aka my mom but not anymore either) daughter now in fact she was never really related to me but by half. But anyhoo, they did the same thing to me. If I hadn’t been there when they were making the guest list up I wouldn’t have even been invited. My dad says the only reason why Lisa had Melissa add me on the guest list was to get presents and I believe now that is absolutely correct. But that same Sunday, Lisa had asked me if I had anything to wear like a prom dress or something like that? I told her no the only thing I have is my prom dress, but it looks like a brides maid dress. She said that would be fine. I knew I couldn’t fit into it, but when I was taken home that day, I had tried it on and could barely get the zipper up. I canceled on going to Melissa’s wedding after I had gotten the invitation according to Lisa I had canceled the day before of Melissa’s wedding, and that she was going to get me a dress, shoes and get all 3 of our hair/toes/nails done. Which she did not inform me of she just asked me if I had a dress to wear. That’s it. I did not know about any of the rest. (But you see my mom aka Lisa is a pathological liar so yeah that’s why I’m divorcing from them).
But yeah, that’s really selfish and rude of her to be like that towards you. I know you guys are friends and everything, but she just has to realize that you can’t dip into your savings anymore. Does she not understand the concept of how money works? Is she one of those rich people that doesn’t give a damn about others? Or how it will effect them? I told myself a long time ago that I would really like to get married in Ireland (which is my heritage), but I had to be civil about it. I just simply couldn’t make everyone pack up and go to Ireland and be in my wedding over there. IF I ever did get married I would have it some place local or something of that sort. Ya know? But eh, some people just don’t give up on things in life. .
Thank you for your kind words and motivated thoughts! Yeah I am definitely getting the bypass surgery if my insurance will accept my doctors referral. I’ve been after this since 2004 and have weighed at 256 lbs. and now weigh at 213.5 pounds. Yup I lost 50.5 lbs. but even that, with exercise and what not. I just want to be that Skinny Minny Jamie again. Ya know? Well; I hope everything works out for you Anne! You seem like a really nice blogger! I’m gonna add you to my links too!
I’m sorry about the drama you had to go through for Melissa’s wedding It’s even worse when it’s family!
She’s not a rich person, but I think her parents are paying for a lot of the wedding so there’s not really a big financial burden on her part. Maybe that’s why she can’t understand it? Or maybe she thinks I’m a secret unemployed millionaire? Ha. I’m not broke. I do have some money, but they’re to be spent on bills, food, and things I need to LIVE. This wedding does not count, unfortunately.
You can always honeymoon in Ireland! Or do a small ceremony there with your family and closest friends? Then, have the big reception at home for everyone else?
Thanks Jamie! I’ll add you as well!
I am glad you have dealt with your issue Anne. It is not fair for her to be acting this way toward you, and if she honestly felt that way perhaps it was best for you to completely cut off your being in her wedding.
I am glad you took a little vacation for yourself ^__^ Everyone needs a little time away even if it is to nowhere amazing.(I took a mini “vacation” to a city 2 hours away once just to get a change of scenery and relaxation) Everything helps.
I hope everything is getting better for you and looking up ^__^
Thanks, Moxie! It definitely felt good to finally end it… right before I went on vacation! That way I didn’t need to worry about it anymore.
Whoa whoa wait… you told her directly that into her face so I’m guessing it is no more friends?
I asked to meet with her and discuss it, but it never happened. All of this happened through texting. Not what I wanted, but I’m just glad it’s over.
I’ve already said my piece on your last post and i’m glad you’re done with them, finally! Btw, welcome back sis! *hugs*
Yes, thank you. I wish I don’t have to deal with her ever again. I’m still hurt & angry when I think about it.
Welcome back! *hugs* I’m so sorry you have to deal with all this right now. It’s not fair at all. I don’t know why she can’t understand this especially when she is your friend. She should learn to understand, if your presence is really that important to her she would allow for a bit of a change especially since you can’t possibly pay for everything. ;_;
I couldn’t understand why she couldn’t understand either, but I’m glad that I found out all these things about her now before I invested more of my time and money into her wedding.
I cant believe that this is happening O.O I’m sorry for what is happening…but I personally think your friend has gone mad..lol like that thing people call brides-to-be: bridezilla! Maybe she’s just blinded by her own affairs..but she needs to realize that a wedding isn’t really all about the bride… most of it is, but still…
I’m not sure what to say because this is hard, and I cant imagine how much stress you’re in because she’s your friend, but at the same time you need to save money yourself. It really doesn’t make sense why she wants you to do things that you dont have the money for…
Maybe if you’re not in the wedding it will save a bit of the friendship instead of you going to the wedding and having to pay so much money and that will put a grudge to the friendship and will financially hurt you. I hope you the best!
Hahaha! Definitely!
I think I’ve accepted all of this. I’m glad this happened now, and not further into the wedding when I’ve spent way too much money. I’m not really sure if I want to save the friendship…
Hey! Glad to see you are back…-ish. Man! That totally sucks about your friend. I can understand where she is coming from because it is a very important day for her and all of those events are just building and building stress over her and as a friend it is difficult to not have someone who has been with you not to be in all of the events. I would expect my friends to do the same. But none-the-less, you are in a financial bind so it’s IMPERATIVE that you should be able to have a free will to say no to things that you just can’t do. It’s out of your power, I mean it really isn’t, but your situation is the way it is at the present time and there’s nothing you can do about it.
It’s very nice of her to offer to pay for all of your expenses but I would’ve done the same exact thing that you did. It’s not fair to you to have to owe money to the bride for parties and what not. That’s crazy talk! I would be so pissed if I were you, it’s not like your a charity case or anything.
I’m glad you didn’t back down and finally gotten things straightened out. Good luck! And I would be very happy to still be in the wedding. Even though there was a lot of bickering, at least both of you came to a happy medium!
I think I’m just finished with it all: with her and the wedding. All this craziness definitely showed me that she’s not a friend I’d like to have anymore. We’ll see what happens later, but I’m quite content with not having her friendship anymore…
I’m so sorry for what happened. It’s not like you did anything wrong; you offered a compromise that could’ve made both of you happy, but she didn’t take it. I don’t see why since the wedding’s obviously the only part that really, really matters.
It was nice of her to offer to pay for your expenses, but I’m with you in not wanting to owe anyone anything.
She must feel really stressed though, so cut her a bit of slack. While it seems she’s made a few bad decisions in this situation, I’m sure she wouldn’t be this way under normal circumstances.
That’s what I’m not sure about… I’m not sure if she would be like this under normal circumstances… We’re not very close and I don’t see her often enough to know. I’m just glad it’s over… At least I HOPE it’s over. LOL.
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